My understanding of friendship is something natural and organic, so when its season ends you have to let it go; though, it may be in a hibernation for how many years until its another season begins.
It’s mainly because, I think, a friendship requires both of you and the other to keep it growing. If it loses the balance, then even one person doing CPR on it wouldn’t bring it back. I remember feeling quite sad to let a friendship come to an end because of that loss of balance, but I knew forcing it would make things even worse.
I am used this sort of stuff because…
I have moved a lot since I was 20.
I’ve moved eight times for the past 7 years and I am getting ready for my 9th move later this year. Moving over to England was a big one, then I kept moving from one house to another, from a city to another, and even a county to another.
With moving, I have made a number of friends in Korea, London, University and few other towns that I lived after my graduation. I also naturally lost connection with lots of them by moving away and starting a new chapter… which is fine!
BUT social media has changed the look of this.
Social media shows you what they have been up to, who they have been with, and where they have been- and guess what,
YOU ARE NOT IN THERE.
You have never been invited back to their life again since the disconnection. Do you know why? You weren’t that important to them. You weren’t a good friend to them and you do not matter. That is how they think of you. NOBODY.
Of course, this is NOT true.
Most of my friendship with them naturally ended up in a disconnection, with or without a reason.
The combination of social media’s exposure of my disconnected friends’ news, the fear of missing out and my desire to be loved by everyone creates this false message of how unimportant I am.
Social media almost brings that sense of gossip to relationships, by being the medium of personal messages. Despite how open you can be on social media, you lose the closeness when you depend on social media to share your life with others. It’s inclusive, but also exclusive. You may share my special moments, that you weren’t invited into. You may look at it, but you are not allowed to touch it.
Any solution to this?
A simple one would be… get out and have a life. But we all know how deep social media is related to our everyday life, so it would be very difficult to simply cut down your time on it.
Reading, writing, listening, meditating and/or being active,
instead of scrolling down on facebook/instagram, is something I currently am trying. Watching is a very easy alternative, which I am good at it; but that has its own risks and danger, hence, not included.
Another important step forward is, probably to be ok with the disconnection; like, actually okay, not just pretending. Though, I think it depends on every single person in your friendships; I found some disconnections harder to take than others, because of how much I liked them and cared about the friendships. All subjective.
I doubt I will avoid that initial sadness when facing another disconnection in the future. However, to know that they still remain my friends and that I should cherish those flourishing friendships will help me live in the moment and embrace the disconnection.
On that note… I send my Thanks to my old & new friends, for making my life full of beautiful colours.
Thank you for reading, and bless you today.