I must say this is like my 5th blog that I have started, if I remember correctly. The past blogs lost their place in my heart, though I am still keeping the last one for its potential.
My 5th blog.
I am an idea person, and very good at starting something. When an idea strikes my brain, I feel electric and cannot wait to start making this idea real. I work on it passionately. I think about it day and night.
However, I am NOT so good at finishing what I have started. The passion somehow fades away. There is this fairy in my head who comes along and switching things off. It is difficult to explain WHY these ideas die out before they reach the reality to bear fruits, but it happens.
And oh, the shame!
I really hate giving up, so everytime that switching off happens the shame hits me hard. “You are giving up AGAIN.” “Shame on you.” “Is there anything that you actually finish?”
“You have failed.”
It really hurts.
Though the funny thing is, no one eles actually says that to me, but myself. I think to myself, “People will think I am…….” and add all sorts of horrible things and believe that is true. The social pressure that is almost fake, has been put on me by my own self.
After my passion faded away on the 4th, I set a time to figure out WHY it didn’t work this time. WHAT IS WRONG?
Then one thought pops up in my head- I was trying to please other people, ignoring myself. I wanted other people to like it, so gave it a renovation work, knocking few core pillars down; People like a clear theme, weekly posts, cool photos and tips to take away.
All for what? SO MORE PEOPLE VISIT MY BLOG AND LIKE ME.
For that glory, I did rush rush and rush a dozen of things at once. Trying to sprint a marathon with more weight on my shoulders every mile did exhaust me very quickly. Simplicity was lost somewhere in the process and my pleasure of writing dried out.
Yes, I know there are some people who enjoy and are good at writing for a certain target audience with all sorts of social media, and become successful with it- but that is NOT me.
I like writing up what is in my head in my own time and in my own words, and it may not be the mainstream or the conventional blog style… and now I realise,
that is okay.
Life may take me away from this blog, like it did to the past ones, then drag its season to an end; but that is fine too.
Quite often I let things that aren’t important bully my mind and damage my soul, which has got to stop NOW. It will take time and effort but I will be more intentional to liberate myself from them.
Anyway, with all those new season resolutions I am happy to start a new blog, where I can be completely myself and blossom my beatiful & wild self.
You are very welcome to be part of this season. I am glad you are here with me.
Thank you for reading, and bless you today.